Business Lessons

Sex On Mars

SEX ON MARS

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after
accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock
market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the
subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners
for the night to experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go
off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie
member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says and proceeds to slap his forehead with his
palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'
'No problem,' he says and starts pulling his ears. With each pull,
his member grows wider and wider, until the entire measurement is
extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate
love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their
separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'
'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about
you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept
slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

4 funnies

Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

Third Place:

One night as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.'

Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal ‘