senior 911

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people.

NY temp conversion

Official Upstate New York Temperature Conversion Chart

60 above:
New Jerseyites try to turn on the heat.
People in Upstate New York.... plant gardens.

50 above:
Californians shiver uncontrollably
People in Upstate New York.... sunbathe.

40 above:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Upstate New York.... drive with the windows down.

32 above:
Distilled water freezes.
Sacandaga Lake's water gets thicker.

20 above:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Upstate New York... throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above:
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Upstate New York.... have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0 degrees:
People in Miami all die.
Upstaters lick the flagpole.

20 below:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Upstate New York.... get out their winter coats.

40 below:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Upstate New York are selling cookies door to door.

60 below:
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Upstate New York Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it
gets cold enough.

80 below:
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
People in Upstate New York..... rent some videos.

100 below:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Upstate New York get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

297 below:
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Upstate New York complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 below:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale)
People in Upstate New York start saying .... "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below:
Hell freezes over.
AND
The BUFFALO BILLS win the Super Bowl.

Yea like that's ever going to happen!!!!!


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duh - presidential qualifications

Presidential Qualifications
 
 
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
 
 Yep, these are the same kind of 18-year-olds that just voted in our last election! They Walk Among US... (That explains a lot, too.)