Thanks for 2007

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this
past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program ....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a
customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you,

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail
to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling
up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an
aftershave sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice,

I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the car ! park be
cause it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beauticians relative once removed.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!